Question #2: “How Do I Deal With My Child Being Cyberbullied?”

10 Dec

Deborah, being a crybaby bitch about her child being cyberbullied.

Deborah from Scranton sent me this one.

The answer is: you don’t. Children have been bullying each other since time immemorial. I actually wrote my doctoral thesis on child bullying throughout history: it’s been going on since Egyptian times, as is well documented by a series of hieroglyphic panels which I can’t seem to find the link to right now.  They showed some little stick figure-like Egyptian kid in flat relief or whatever being hit over the head with the pelvis bone of a donkey or some shit. The point of the matter is, bullying is a part of life; some people are cruel and vicious, and I hate to be the one to have to give it to you straight, Debbie, but you’re being a moronic, crappy parent, even having to ask this question. Bullying has reared its ugly head with all this internet bullshit going on these days– big surprise. The kids will learn to adapt; they’re resilient little bastards, trust me.

I really shouldn’t have to tell you how to deal with your child– you’re the parent here, you should have figured it out by now. What you need is a little tough cyber love, and so I’m going to post your email address here so that people may send you their thoughts on how terrible of a parent you are. Hope that answered your question, Deb, and good luck raising that kid; you’re obviously going to need it.

It’s tough raising children in the internet age, with so many dangerous things out there on the web. Don’t fret! I’m here to help! I’m a certified advice columnist and former child psychologist. Just email me at I’m here to help.


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