Question #18: “Why Do Motion Sensor Toilets Always Randomly Flush When I’m Taking A Shit?”

30 Dec

Nancy from Newark sent me this one, and boy, am I fucking glad. First of all, I was away for a few days, and I apologize, dear readers. You know how it is with the holidays when you’re (thankfully) alone with no aggravating ass family to have to worry about: you just drink yourself into a goddamned stupor and stagger down the deserted streets of downtown Chicago sarcastically singing Christmas songs, words echoing eerily down dark alleys, waking up in a police station holding cell, having been arrested for public intoxication and defacement of public property (apparently, I pissedĀ  on a Santa statue at some point during my holiday binge). So long story short, that’s how the fucking holidays went for me, I now have another court appearance in 2 weeks and 2 $150 public ordinance violation tickets to pay. Merry fucking Christmas to everyone.

(Then I come home to see that stupid-shit question from that kid asking whether Santa is real or not in my email inbox, on top of it all.)

Anyway, back to the toilets. I, too, share your disdain for those goddamned automatic flushing toilets., Nancy. The degree to which I hate those fucking things requires an all out production/investigation, which I don’t have time to even begin on now, being that I have to get to the local liquor store before it closes right now. But Nancy, and all others out there who hate those fucking motion sensor toilets, fear not…

The Absentee Daddy is on your side, and he’s going to get to the bottom of these egregious, ass-ambushing fuckers. To be continued…

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3 Responses to “Question #18: “Why Do Motion Sensor Toilets Always Randomly Flush When I’m Taking A Shit?””

  1. absenteedaddy January 22, 2011 at 12:33 am #

    Oh, I know that song, OT. I love The Pogues. I love drinking. The two go hand in hand.

  2. The Other Teacher December 30, 2010 at 7:04 am #

    oh sorry, the name of the song is “Fairytale of New York”

  3. The Other Teacher December 30, 2010 at 7:02 am #

    I just got reminded of a song by The Pogues. It goes a little something like this: “It’s Chistmas Eve babe…in the drunk tank…” LOL It happens so many times to so many people that it is now a favorite Christmas song (thank-fully you don’t actually have to hear me sing this song)If you don’t know it look it up, it’s hysterical!

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